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Hell yes I did!  
09:12pm 31/12/2013
 
 
amalthea81



 
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Dispelling the myths around eating disorders  
04:03pm 14/06/2008
 
 
amalthea81
This one hasn't been graded yet, but I thought I'd go ahead & post it anyways:

Dispelling the Myths Surrounding Eating Disorders )
 
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The Way Of Tyler: Zen Buddhism & Fight Club  
03:55pm 14/06/2008
 
 
amalthea81
Though the intro is weak, my teacher said the rest was "excellent." Hell, he some parts he even said were "brilliant"! Ha! Imagine that, something I wrote, being called brilliant! Amazing.

Enjoy!

Zen Buddhism & Fight Club )
 
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Rise Against  
11:23pm 14/12/2007
 
 
amalthea81
Ready to Fall
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmoB2svMld8

Prayer of the Refugee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOtNqDyyX2c

The Good Left Undone
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGxLPV19tO4

Swing Life Away
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yq0FM-cAVj8

Advent Children
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJ3Re8EYSBw
 
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Bad Religion  
09:36pm 14/12/2007
 
 
amalthea81
New Dark Ages
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGqA1lNXYhg

Sinister Rouge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wERP_p6NCg

Atomic Garden
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wObCUYLjMdc

Kyoto Now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRjSLBmYaoI

American Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaM4TE-9rEE

A Walk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_Ft7LVCmDI

God's Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WdttiSg5PM

Struck A Nerve
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQXvNgBDpDM
 
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(no subject)  
01:50am 23/09/2007
 
 
amalthea81
you know why I always hated the saying, “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”?

Because it was always said in the context of a person (me) suffering something that most “normal” people don’t go through, and implying that because I had suffered through that I was somehow stronger in a sense than they were

And yet, all my recovery process somehow seemed as a means to make me more “normal”

But “normal” people were weak because they hadn’t suffered through what I had

I can’t be “normal”

Because “normal”

Is weak

I don’t want to be normal

I don’t want to be weak…

Is that right?

I mean, I know there is no such thing as “normal.” Every one has suffered through trials and hardships in their lives.

Hell, I’ve never even been physically or sexually abused… I have never had anyone close to be die… There are people who have been through far worse trials than myself…

And somehow, for some reason, I resist recovery… I don’t know why…

Please try to read between the lines…. Can you make any sense of what I am saying here?
 
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(no subject)  
12:03am 03/09/2007
 
 
amalthea81
 
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Voluntary Human Extinction Movement  
09:07pm 28/08/2007
 
 
amalthea81
http://www.vhemt.org/

May we live long and die out.
 
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Suicide Quotes  
12:50am 16/06/2007
 
 
amalthea81
"Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.”
Doug Stanhope


"Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."”
Bill Maher

"Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, but not always; for cowardice sometimes prevents it; since as many live because they are afraid to die, as die because they are afraid to live”
Charles Caleb Colton

"Why kill yourself? Life will do it for you.

"The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.”
Ben Okri

“Suicide is a fundamental human right. This does not mean that it is morally desirable. It only means that society does not have the moral right to interfere”
Thomas S. Szasz

"The thought of suicide is a powerful solace: by means of it one gets through many a bad night”
Friedrich Nietzsche

“No one ever lacks a good reason for suicide.”
Cesare Pavese

"All healthy men have thought of their own suicide”
Albert Camus
(Note: My therapist, L., says he has never truly contemplated suicide. Though he is a very effective DBT therapist who has practiced for 9+ years and who has overcome alcoholism & bulimia)

"It’s illogical, but I guess you could take a vitamin in the morning, and commit suicide in the afternoon."

"If you throw someone a life preserver, and they turn around and swim away from it; what can you do but let them drown themselves.”

“There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide.”
Albert Camus

“Here in the bathroom with me are razor blades. Here is iodine to drink. Here are sleeping pills to swallow. You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be. Every time you don’t throw yourself down the stairs, that’s a choice. Every time you don’t crash your car, you reenlist.”
Chuck Palahniuk
 
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(no subject)  
07:59pm 07/05/2007
 
 
amalthea81
My therapists both say, "Do things that you enjoy." God. They just don't get it. I can't seem to enjoy anything anymore. At best, reading/sleeping will bring me to a place of numbness, where I forget about myself for a bit. But then I wake up or put the book down, and start being me again, and again I am just overwhelmed with feelings of misery and sorrow, guilt and shame, rage and pain.

Slowly I plod through the days, dogged and weary. Maybe at some point there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, but right now, I see only endless days of oppressive nothingness.

Right now I guess I’ll do distract and delay. I really just want to cancel my appt tomorrow, but I’ll go through with it. I’ll continue on as I have been & do my best not to engage in target behaviors.
 
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(no subject)  
08:07pm 05/03/2007
 
 
amalthea81
I want to be healthy & happy & normal. My boss tries really hard to help me with that, and so does my therapist, L. When I went to my most recent session with L, he was ecstatic with how much I have cut back on the suicidal ideation & the drinking, and how I haven’t had any cutting, and how even my b/p’ing has decreased. I am entering a stage of “quiet desperation,” where I still feel all the pain and misery just as before, but I just really don’t act on it or do anything about it. I just sit with it, and feel awful. Nice. Isn’t recovery grand?

Supposedly there is a point where you move beyond that, into actually living & experiencing life and being satisfied with what is there, if not actually happy. Yeah. Supposedly… sigh…
 
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AFI "Untitled"  
07:11pm 13/01/2007
 
 
amalthea81
We held hands on the last night on earth.
Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees,
screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves.
It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated
along the bottom of the river.
So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea
and the shattered seasons lay,
and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease.
In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner."
The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.
We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes
of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress.
The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn
as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.
The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked
if you would accompany me in a quick fall,
but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two.
I rode alone.
You said, "The cinders are falling like snow."
There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty,
bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.
Of blue and grey.
Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city.
The sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon
and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines.
Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward,
and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched
into the earth like a message.
 
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